Professionalism

Now this is not strictly a "law" related blog post but I feel compelled to write it and it does relate to business professionalism (an awareness of business/commercial environment being something we all know we must possess). 

The story starts like this. My best friend is turning 23 next week and I haven't a clue what to get her. We met when we were 11 and vowed from around the age of 14 that we would always make birthdays special. Over the years we have become regulars at our favourite spa, taken trips to the zoo, seen theatre shows, rode rollercoasters and the waltzers until we were sick, posh lunches, beach barbecues, I've sat through AWFUL concerts, sipped pricey cocktails in ice bars, laughed until we cried in comedy clubs... you name it we've done it, all in the name of great birthdays. I digress. 

So here I was trying to figure out a great way to treat my best friend for her birthday and I came across a local spa that offers glamping (that's glamorous camping in case you didn't know). Sounds perfect! Spa by day, tipi by night. I was checking out the menu when I noticed just underneath the menu PDFs a rather large amount of waffle-y looking text. Being open to procrastination I began to read. What I discovered was what can only be described as a long and frustrated rant about....customers! Oh boy. Please find said rant below (I apologise for how long it is):

If it's Winter and you're booking a table sometime around Easter expect that the menu may change. This means a change in the content of the dishes not the number of dishes or the variety on offer. So if you come in the second week of April you may be surprised to find that we're no longer serving a Winter Menu...

If you don't want to take a chance and would like to eat in a place that serves the same menu all year round from an indeterminate source with profits leaking out of the British economy into Multinational overseas investors pockets then please feel free to go elsewhere (to a chain carvery down the road perhaps) and spend £16 or £17 on a three course Sunday Lunch there. We don't pretend to offer the Earth, we're just a hard-working  family business striving hard to keep our loyal team of staff employed, pay our taxes and look after the future of independent places like Wallett's Court.

Ultimately you choose where you go to eat out, don't let us force you into paying £21.95 for a three course Sunday Lunch, if you don't believe it to be good value, let us know AT THE TIME and we'll see what we can do to add value to your experience whilst you're with us.

Now, imagine this... I am coming to your house for lunch. You put the heating on, light the fire perhaps. Now go to Tesco and buy a tin of Heinz Tomato Soup, a small loaf of Mother's Pride, a small packet of butter, a Bird's Eye Traditional Roast Beef for one, a tin of vegetables, a couple of Aunt Bessies' Yorkshire Puddings and McCain's home roast potatoes and a dark chocolate Magnum (this will all come to £10.18, remember that figure).

Now prepare all of that, lay a table with your best linen, crockery, cutlery, glasses and wait for my arrival. When I get to your house bring me a jug of iced water for which you won't charge me of course, then serve me my tomato soup with half a loaf of bread, roast beef dinner with tinned veg and frozen Yorkshires, and chocolate Magnum for pudding.

Now, I may spend the afternoon sitting in your lounge by the fire or in your garden whilst you spend the next hour or so washing-up and tidying the dining room. At the end of that I'll hand you £18.39 (that's £21.95 less 20% VAT) and you'll delight in the profit from your endeavours. That's a healthy £8.21 from your outlay of £10.18 unless you factor in the cost of heating and lighting your house, insurance, rates, income tax, the cost of the glass that I dropped on your terrace (oops, sorry!), the cost of mowing the lawn, the cost of half a loo roll that I used and the copy of Hello that you kindly placed by the loo and I assumed you wanted me to keep that by the way.  Now with all that factored in you will have made a glorious profit of a between a quid and naff all. But hey at least you'll have the reassurance of knowing that you won't have to do it all again for me tomorrow (reasons I won't be returning are to follow). Oh, no you won't because as far as you're concerned I paid you the money and left appearing to have had a nice time albeit without a big thank you.

So, there you are in a few days time spending a little time relaxing with your family and you'll receive a lovely email from me informing you that I've told the rest of the world via the Internet that I had an average time at your house but thought that it wasn't worth the money...

At this point you'll feel like jacking it all in and moving to a volcanic island in the middle of the Mediterranean where you don't have to pander to the needs of spoilt twots like me with aspirations of becoming the next Michael Winner... 

Here endeth the outpouring of my passionate views... For more rants please read my blog at lostfaithinhumanitytoday.blogspot.com

"The more dangerous volcanoes are those that lie dormant for years, holding everything in, then burst open suddenly, usually with devastating effect."

As much as I can sympathise with this business owner's frustrations, this rant, published on the business' professional website, is totally UNprofessional. Customers will moan. They might be ungrateful. They might not understand the profit margins of small business. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Needless to say I have been completely put off, and what a shame. Especially by the bold quote at the end which seems to suggest that the writer is one unsatisfied customer away from a crazed maniacal outburst. I won't name the business in question as I do think they most likely provide a great experience, however, I think I will take my custom elsewhere...